Runner's Low

All through elementary and middle school I had chain-smoking gym teachers. This fact was not lost on me during particularly bad gym days, like when we had to square dance or run the mile. Square dancing was pretty miserable on its own (Sorry, Uncle John), but I absolutely detested the day we were forced to run the mile. There's nothing worse than being an awkward fat kid wheezing around a track while all of your faster, malicious middle/high school peers look on and shout things at you. It's even worse when the aforementioned chain-smoking gym teacher joins in as well.

So you can imagine my joy when, amidst all the chaos of working out and going to classes, my friend Scott suggested that he and I run a 5K together. I know he didn't mean for this suggestion to be taken as some kind of punishment but, well...it was. For as much as I love dancing, I hate running even more. For years I have never understood the kind of people who would choose to run for their own amusement. Whenever I heard people talking about their awesome runner's high, I would usually shoot them the same condescending look I give to people who swear that their eyes change color depending on what they're wearing. No, I want to say, this is all total crap that you are telling yourself in order to alter reality and feel special. To runners, I'd say that by the time you're done running, you're so freaking happy that your lungs are no longer on the brink of exploding that every other feeling could be interpreted as a "high".

But I have a hard time telling Scott no. For one thing, we've known each other since we were 16 years-old. He knows me far too well and can anticipate every one of my excuses and doubts before they even register on my face. When I do protest (and I still do), he will nod and smile indulgently the whole time before finally informing me, in no uncertain terms, that we will be running a 5K together at the end of September. His polite stubbornness used to bug me so much when were teenagers. Now in the twilight of my twenties, I can read between the lines and know that this is how Scott is encouraging me in my process to lose weight; to run and complete a 5K would be a huge accomplishment for a girl like me. My second, and most important, reason for not telling Scott no is because he faithfully attends Zumba class with me every Friday night. He's the only guy in class and rather than wallflower the back row, he quite loyally (or foolishly) dances by my right side in the smack dab center of class. It's challenging enough for me to convince my girl friends to dance next to me in the middle; dancing brings out all sorts of insecurities in women. But on Scott's first day of Zumba, he made it a point to dance right in the center, and in the center is where we stay. He doesn't hold back, either. One of our current areas of contention is the fact that he continues to outdance me (which is incredibly frustrating when I think about how long it's taken me to dance half-decently). It also doesn't help matters that all the ladies in the class, including (especially) Chrissy, just adore him. It's hard not to. He can shake, pop, and body roll without a trace of embarrassment or self-consciousness and it's kind of a beautiful thing to see in a guy (he often catches me ogling).

So yeah, there was no way I was getting out of running with him. Instead, I turned to an excellent program that I've tried out about 6 or 7 times (I never progressed past Week 3, not because it's too taxing but because I was too busy trying out other gym classes): Couch to 5K. If you're curious, here's the link: http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml

Essentially, it's intervals of running and walking. The first time I ever did Couch to 5K, I thought that the 60 seconds of running felt more like 20 minutes. By the third workout, however, I was ready for 90 seconds of running. To all potential Couch to 5K candidates, running really is just a game of mind over matter. If you can find a focal point in the gym, or perhaps if you listen to an excellent 90s rap song (I like Kriss Kross), you can totally sike yourself out during the running portion of the program. Each week I look at the impending workouts and think "Oh dear God, I don't think I can run for 3 minutes in a row..." but then I do. And once I do the first set of 3 or 5 minutes of running, I know that I can do the next set.

Running, especially with this program, is a lot like the process of losing weight itself. When you look at the end goal, yes, it will scare the living crap out of you. Even now, I am a smidge concerned that I will not be able to trudge those 3 miles with my very fit, very good-looking friend Scott by the end of September. But each day is an opportunity to push forward, bit by bit. This is exactly what weight loss is like, too. I can't fixate on the fact that I've got 80lbs to lose. If I fixate on that number, it will overwhelm and then cripple me back into sedentary living. This is a very common mindset for Americans, in general. We'd like to do _________ but it's just too big and lofty an ideal, so we will do nothing instead. There isn't even an attempt at meeting in the middle, it's just all or nothing. Here's another Big Girl Disclaimer for you, then: there are no perfect bodies, therefore there's no need for perfectionist mentalities when it comes to eating well or exercising. Don't set yourself up to fail before you have even begun. You just have to accept that you're going to have days when you'll eat the cake or you'll sleep through the 5AM Spin class. Or you'll do both on the same day. It happens.

Running, as you may have guessed, is not one big, happy Kriss Kross song. The worst part about running isn't the running. It's me and this imperfect body. While I make it a point not to dwell on the 80 lbs, they definitely dwell on me. I'm not gonna lie, fellow Big Girls or Big Guys, running when you're obese is really challenging. Sometimes when I'm running I feel like there are chains dragging me down, like I'm the Jacob Marley of Jersey Fitness. My friend Mary actually caught me fist pumping on the treadmill when I finished my very first 3 minute running set. I felt like I won my first major battle against the 80lbs even though my joints definitely suffered some losses.

I'll keep you all updated about the good, bad, and the ugly of my first 5K. Since I first mentioned my training on Facebook, I've discovered that 5Ks pop up like dandelions in this area. There's even a 5K in Pittsburgh where you're chased by Zombies (not gonna lie, I really want to try that one). In October, there's even a Muddy Bottom Run at the summer camp where I worked. This is an 8K course lined with mud pits, slides, a lake, and other fun obstacles. I will absolutely force Scott to do this one with me.

I'll end this post on a (runner's) high note with a line from my new favorite running song:

"If you're lost and alone, and you're sinking like a stone, carry on. May your path be the sound of your feet upon the ground, carry on."